Daddy and i began our journey online, and being involved with online communities has always been a big part of our lives. That’s why when we decided to explore BDSM, it felt natural that we would learn online. Daddy and i have made many friends along the way, but conversely have run into our fair share of bad advice, and unkind people.
That sort of experience isn’t something people talk openly about. One site discourages the mention of another site, and the other site discourages mention of certain topics, and another site says anything goes to the point where you are facing full frontal nudity when all you really wanted to do was learn and make friends. It’s daunting, and overwhelming.
And then you become bombarded with advice, and poorly written articles trying to convince you that there is only ONE right way.
So you’re new, trying to figure shit out, all this information is coming at you, and you’re sitting at your desk scratching your head like… I really can’t figure this out.
At least that is how we felt.
The solution to that problem was reaching out and making friends. Friends who had open minds, and open hearts, who didn’t judge us for our failures and celebrated our successes with us. Friends who took time, and took notes, and gave us feedback. Our friends helped build us, and without them, we would truly still be lost, trying to sort through all the chaff.
We tried so many different sites and communities. We read SO many articles, and blog posts, and comments. i shouldn’t put it in past tense- we still do! And it is really challenging sometimes, because what we read isnt always good advice, or even healthy for our relationship. For any relationship in general. We have seen our fair share of power hungry moderators, who kick and ban people for petty reasons. We have seen plenty of site owners who actually believe they have invented BDSM and married D/s, and pretend they own the ideas. We have met many leaders in the community who truly believe that there is only one way, and anyone who opposes them are posers.
Being a little means that i don’t always have my game face on. It means i go in thinking the best of everyone, and get trampled as a result. It means that i can’t always see when people have malicious intent. Yeah, i have kinky sex, and am an adult. But inside my innocence shines through. i don’t think i could turn that off, even if i wanted to. So when i encounter these people, who judge and shame and mock, little me feels rejected and sad. And big me tells them to go eat a bag of dicks. Bridges get burned. And burned bridges in this community isn’t easy to get past. We all live in the shadows to some extent, seeking companionship, and validation. If you lose the outlet of one community, you might be isolated for a while. It isn’t easy to find what you are looking for, nothing will fit perfectly.
When we were invited by a friend to join The Safeword/s Club we did so anticipating more of the same. What we were met with was something entirely different than we had seen before. Everyone was different. People talked about everything, from lactation fetishes to Polyamory to little parties. You could say fuck without getting kicked. They blogged together. They were open minded and accepting. There were and are so many reasons to love it there. And this isn’t meant to be an advertisement to go join. What i am getting at is that we finally found our niche, we fit in. Some people really love, and believe in the sites and forums and chats that we formerly used. And thats ok too. But i am so glad that after so long trying to dig through the mire of BDSM information on the internet, i have found a place that i can call home.