Copper & Fire

Rage

Rage at pipes for breaking.

Rage at employers for needing.

Rage at God for taking.

Rage at phone for hiding.

Rage at life for life-ing.

Rage at pets for running.

Rage at sky for raining.

Rage at kids for crying.

Rage at wife for needing.

Rage.

Rage. Rage. Rage.

The last few days have been taxing for Daddy. He has had a million things thrown in His face, and i have helplessly sat back watching Him juggle it all, wishing there was more i could do. There have been moments that frankly made me feel afraid, cos i thought He was close to punching holes in the walls. Daddy has so many responsibilities, and He usually balances them so well that things run smoothly. i know it still takes work, but life is manageable. But this time is different. We have seen times like this before, but its never been so much at once. Some moments in the past few days have felt like a snowball effect, things keep escalating. The pipes in the shower broke which has left us with no running water for a day, and Daddy had 3 work emergencies that left him short staffed and in charge of a second department. Those things in addition to normal home life with 2 children has made life hell for Him. And it isn’t something a blowjob can fix.

i struggle knowing what to say. i just keep trying to remind Him of all the good things in our lives. That it could be worse, that He can do it. But maybe being a cheerleader is annoying. Maybe He just needs to let the fire in Him flare, and burn down slowly, without my intervention. i don’t have control in our marriage, or really on life in general, but i like to think that i can influence Daddy’s happiness to some extent. This has been sort of a reality check for me, because i can’t always make it better. It’s good really to remember this, because our kids are gonna prove this to me over and over in the future, and i need to be more realistic. i can’t fix everything. i can’t save the world. But i can love Daddy as fiercely as His rage burns, and wait patiently for Him to smolder down to ash, and pick up the pieces with Him when He is ready.

i guess until then i will fiddle with these copper scraps, and enjoy the running water He has restored.

Love You, Daddy. Thanks for keeping things moving, and for knowing how to do things that i could never understand.

2 Comments on “Copper & Fire

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