The last little while has been harder. Daddy has been home, but busy with work, our eldest is back to school, and it just feels like things are a little out of control. i also have an aunt suffering with terminal lung cancer, and she has told me she isn’t sure she will survive the month. It’s just a lot right now. It’s sort of a sad time. The dreary rains that have come haven’t helped.
When these times of unsteadiness come, i do this thing with Daddy where i say, “Look how big i am!”, to which he replies “Yeah, so tiny.”. Sometimes i think i say it because i need a reminder, for Him to reach out and space me, reset me, whatever. Sometimes i do it because i did something i normally am not comfortable doing, and i feel kinda proud of myself.
Either way, it’s kind of fun. It’s like a secret code between the two of us. When i say “i am SO big!”, Daddy proves me wrong. Sometimes He embarrasses me and makes me blushy, sometimes He pinches me or pulls my hair, sometimes He just says in a matter of fact way that i am quite small. It is comforting. His frankness shows me who is steady, who is in control, and even if i feel i have too much going on and life is crazy, it makes me feel at ease.
Life is funny. It is cyclical, but also has unexpected hills and valleys. Sometimes the cycle is different. But ultimately we come full circle, and i take comfort in knowing that what goes down must also come up!!! Things will ease up, if not right this instant, soon.
Like at Christmas. When Daddy takes us to Disney World. Because that’s a thing and i am sooooo excited. And i am like… so big… 😛