This post was originally written for The SafeworD/s Club weekly theme of service. Join the fun next week to discover the theme of: Thrills and Spills!
When i consider the word servant, honestly a big part of me shrinks away in disgust. i think about the historic significance of servitude… it wasn’t really fair in a lot of ways. From what i have learned from history books, servitude ranged from slavery to employment to indentured servitude. In a lot of cases, the only reward was being allowed to live, not even to have basic needs met. So when i really think about the word servant, it just feels unpleasant. Which is ironic, really, because as a submissive i think the general expectation is that i serve my Dominant. And in a lot of ways that is a good assumption. But it doesn’t come naturally to me. i have to work really hard at serving, at being generous, and sometimes accepting that there is nothing in it for me aside from pleasing Him.
There is a lot on the web about how to submit, guides for service, and people sharing their personal stories about their journeys in BDSM. i find that sometimes the pressure to be a perfect servant is overwhelming. Daddy has helped me find tools over the years that take the pressure away a little, and help me to be more effective in my service.
One tool that we both really liked was an app called Habitica. We used that app for about 2 years. It allows you to create a little character as well as a task list. Each task earns credits when they are completed, which can be cashed in for rewards, which you can customize on the app too. i really liked this app because it was fun to use, but if you are looking for a more straightforward tool to help you finish tasks or chores, the Chore Monster app might be a better fit. Habitica allows for almost unlimited customization.
Another tool that we use is Google Docs. We like this app because it allows us to share notes, including our rules/rewards/punishments lists and our weekly meeting notes. Even if we are apart, we can watch each other type in real time, and discuss as we go along. This really helps keep me accountable because i can’t put my notes or journaling off- He gets to watch it happen.
If you are looking for ways to serve your partner in more creative ways, by upping the romance or just spicing things up, there are 2 books that we LOVE, and highly recommend. i am a big fan of keeping all sides of relationships healthy and happy, and even though this isn’t necessarily a kinky tool, it is a tool to us nonetheless. Laura Corn has written 2 books called 101 Nights of Great Romance and 101 Nights of Great Sex- they are not guide books; instead, the pages tear out to reveal ideas for fun. They range from expensive and extravagant, to cheap and simple, but all of them have pushed our limits, and all of them have been amazing. The books were kind of hard to find, but if you can get your hands on them, they are well worth it. Service doesn’t have to be all about cleaning and cooking and kneeling and holding drinks and whatever. Service can also include things that bring joy and fulfillment to your partner.
The last tool i will list is MyFitnessPal. We use this app to keep us both accountable for our health and fitness goals. We view self care and health as service to one another- this might be unconventional, but we think that the healthier we can be ourselves, the better we can take care of each other. It is a rule on our list that i track my meals and exercise, as well as body measurements and weight. it helps keep me honest with Him and myself, and gives Him peace of mind that i am taking care of myself.
These are just a few tools that we use to help bring service to the forefront. i am not a servant, or a slave, but the way He lights up when i do acts of service for Him really encourage me to do more and more. They feed my submissive mindset, help me feel useful, and allow me to express my love for Daddy. If you have thoughts about service related tools, share them in the comments!