We have returned safely from our vacation, and i have something to confess:

i am so small. Like infinitely tiny and insignificant. And i guess in many ways, this applies to our dynamic of lifestyle married D/s and DDlg, but really it applies to life in general.

We started our trip doing mostly sightseeing touristy things, but also spent several days camping in a forest of redwood trees. If you don’t know anything about redwoods, they are basically the most enduring plant species i have ever heard of. These trees live thousands of years, and are designed to withstand drought, fire, wind, and general forest related abuse like insects, fungus, and other plants crowding them. They are the tallest tree on Earth, with a height of over 300 feet. And they reproduce not only with seeds, but also by shooting up sprouts from their root systems. These trees have a powerful will to live. They live only in California, surrounded by lush forests and stunning hills and mountains. i have done my fair share of traveling, but i have never seen landscapes as beautiful as what we got to witness on our trip.


We pulled into the campground after dark, and had to set up our tent in blackness. The first thing i did was look up, and i couldn’t help but marvel at the stars boldly shining down on us through the impossibly tall tree tops. i mean honestly, even in the dark the forest took my breath away.

The next morning i woke up and left the tent to explore a bit. The darkness really hadn’t done the trees justice- i was met with shaggy barked giants stretching toward the morning sun. The sky was perfectly clear, the birds were singing and soaring, and the creek down the hill burbled softly. i sat on the picnic bench and drank it in.

and then i got to thinking about my more recent post about being big in a giant world. Boy, was i wrong. i am a speck of dust in a grand universe.

We toured the forest, and hiked to our hearts content, drinking wine almost nonstop, and enjoying warm food on our little camp stove.

When we left, i felt bereft. And then cellular service came back, and we realized that California was ablaze. Just north of our little camping dream, an entire city was razed by fire. Just south of us, fire was engulfing large areas that we intended to visit. We started our drive down the coastal highway, taking in the stunning views, all the while trying to figure out where the fires where, and what roads we should take. We were headed straight toward it. At one point we were driving the road directly between two close fires, and i stared into the hills trying to see the smoke. 12 hours after that moment, the entire area we drove through was burned to ash.


We had a joyous, wonderful vacation, but the clouds of ash hung over us, a reminder that life can be unexpected in not so great ways. Having no cell service was bliss, and coming back to civilization was a harsh reality.

We are so tiny, so small, every last one of us. Even the Dom/mes, even the Masters, even the affluent, even the powerful. The control we exert in our daily lives is nothing, not when a fire can sweep through and burn it all down.

i encourage you to consider this. i encourage you to ask yourself what you would do if it all (literally or metaphorically) burned down around you. Do you have a plan? Do you know how to handle change? Can you look loss in the face? Can you overcome? i can’t answer all of those questions right now. i just don’t have the answers.

Just know, as insignificant as we may be, we are powerful and we are strong. And the beauty of the world, as well as the beauty of life needs to be savored like a bottle of wine in a lush green forest.

5 Comments on “admissions

  1. What a profound thought, in so many ways. We are so so small, even the big ones. I am so glad you got home safely!!! I kept thinking about you and the fires, but I had no idea you were so close to them! Eep!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • We were stupid close, because we missed a turn to get off the highway, so at one point we were only four miles away. It was really freaky, but we are safe. Just praying for those who were truly impacted, and hoping those missing get found. Hugs.


  2. We took a similar trip when I was a kid. The redwood trees were so huge, not jus tall but also big around, it was awe inspiring. They will be there long after we all are gone. I’m glad you had a nice time and got past the fires safely.

    Liked by 1 person

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