i’m gonna get real with you in this post. If you aren’t a fan of reality, stop reading now. Also, these are my opinions, and i genuinely do not mean to sound hateful toward anyone. But here i go.
i have spent a lot of time online. i met my husband online, and learned everything i know about BDSM online. So when i decided to find a community that catered more to the DDlg dynamic, i turned to online sources. The sites i explored were pastel, with loads of forum posts, and active chat rooms. Sounds great, right? i guess some people might see those types of sites as wonderful, but the majority of what i observed on those sites was less DDlg, and more adults who didn’t want to be adults, and predatory men who wouldn’t take no for an answer. A lot of people used the forum and the chat to explore their kinks, ask questions, and learn. But most of the people used those things to complain, ask for money or seek sugar daddies, advertise their “assets”, and type “baby talk”. i don’t think i am intolerant. i am a little, and i wear diapers on occasion, have a pacifier, and love my stuffies. So when i observed these websites, and felt overwhelmed with disgust, honestly it was confusing.
It has been a long time since i have logged in to any of those sites. And after a recent conversation with a fellow little, i think i understand why i felt the way that i felt. My friend is an educated, world traveler who has stated that she wants to be a “power couple” with a partner who can “match her”, who has ambitions, and passion for what they do. She is also a little, who wants to relinquish her control when life is really stressful. She has a degree in psychology, and is weeks away from her masters. She is a powerhouse, a force of nature, and one of the hardest workers i know. She doesn’t give herself a ceiling, or expect a partner to be her sole provider. And that is where i think the disconnect is for me and a lot of other littles.
Littlespace is not a facade that i use to force others to take care of me. It isn’t an excuse to fail, not accomplish my goals and dreams, or allow others to control me. It is not a tactic i employ to avoid growing up or maturing.
That’s why i think being ambitious and strong, and also a little, go so well together. i do get to let go, i do defer to my partner for most things. But it isn’t because i am totally incapable of doing things all by myself. It’s because my relationship is structured in a way that makes me feel supported, nurtured and loved. But i still retain my personality and identity, and my successes and ambitions only serve to elevate me in my partner’s eyes.
My successes, joys, and aspirations are a source of pride to my partner. My failures only cause us both to push harder, to work harder, to get where we want and need to be. There is beauty in vulnerability, in allowing someone to see your deepest darkest desires, in opening yourself to failure and pain. Because ultimately, we do grow and change. Even if we are little at heart, we will always grow up. And that, my friends, is a wonderful thing.