Rage at pipes for breaking.
Rage at employers for needing.
Rage at God for taking.
Rage at phone for hiding.
Rage at life for life-ing.
Rage at pets for running.
Rage at sky for raining.
Rage at kids for crying.
Rage at wife for needing.
Rage. Rage. Rage.
The last few days have been taxing for Daddy. He has had a million things thrown in His face, and i have helplessly sat back watching Him juggle it all, wishing there was more i could do. There have been moments that frankly made me feel afraid, cos i thought He was close to punching holes in the walls. Daddy has so many responsibilities, and He usually balances them so well that things run smoothly. i know it still takes work, but life is manageable. But this time is different. We have seen times like this before, but its never been so much at once. Some moments in the past few days have felt like a snowball effect, things keep escalating. The pipes in the shower broke which has left us with no running water for a day, and Daddy had 3 work emergencies that left him short staffed and in charge of a second department. Those things in addition to normal home life with 2 children has made life hell for Him. And it isn’t something a blowjob can fix.
i struggle knowing what to say. i just keep trying to remind Him of all the good things in our lives. That it could be worse, that He can do it. But maybe being a cheerleader is annoying. Maybe He just needs to let the fire in Him flare, and burn down slowly, without my intervention. i don’t have control in our marriage, or really on life in general, but i like to think that i can influence Daddy’s happiness to some extent. This has been sort of a reality check for me, because i can’t always make it better. It’s good really to remember this, because our kids are gonna prove this to me over and over in the future, and i need to be more realistic. i can’t fix everything. i can’t save the world. But i can love Daddy as fiercely as His rage burns, and wait patiently for Him to smolder down to ash, and pick up the pieces with Him when He is ready.
i guess until then i will fiddle with these copper scraps, and enjoy the running water He has restored.
Love You, Daddy. Thanks for keeping things moving, and for knowing how to do things that i could never understand.
Sometimes life feels like a fairy tale. Everything is going your way, you are with the love of your life, nothing could be better.
And sometimes you have a wart covered frog in your face, belching at you while it chomps on flies.
Such is the way of life.
So what do you do with that stinking, stupid frog?
Kiss it. i dare you.
Sometimes our partners just piss us off. They grate on our nerves, get in the way, frustrate us. It’s an ugly truth.
When your prince turns into a frog, they probably need your help turning back into a prince. Kiss it. Kiss it better. Kiss it despite its warts and ugliness and lack of manners or regard for your likes, wants, and desires. Kiss it. Kiss the frog.
In our marriage, the reality is that sometimes we get on each others nerves. It isn’t perfect all the time. my ugly shows, and so does His. Its hard for me to see this- but when Daddy is being a frog, i need to swallow my pride and take a look in the mirror, cos chances are, i am being one too. As His submissive, and as His wife, i need to see past the flaws, and love Him through them. Because i know He sees past mine, and loves me anyway.
So off i go to kiss my frog.
You’re mine –
My dirty girl
My best friend
Everything you are, mind, body and soul is mine.
Is there something that can happen that makes you feel little?
Daddy had me make a list of triggers once. Let me dig it up….
Triggers for little space:
-when we are out in public and you make me hold just your pinkie
-when you say “you’re too little”
-when you say “let daddy help you”
-when you scold me
-when you force me to look in your eyes
-when you talk about my kitty
-when you call me tiny and cute, small, little
-when you tell me you are proud of me
-when you bring me little snacks
-when you baby talk me
-when you help me do things like pick my clothes or put my shoes on
The thing is, i am sure there are more, those are just things Daddy does. Sometimes a song, tv show, animal, friend, random thing makes me feel little. Its sometimes hard to pinpoint.
Do you enjoy it when something unexpected makes you feel little? Can it be deliberately initiated?
Little space can be deliberately initiated, but it can also pop up spontaneously. Sometimes when it is unexpected i don’t like it because there is a time and a place, and it doesnt always happen at the right time.
Is it embarrassing to be made to feel little in public, even if you aren’t acting little?
It isn’t that i get embarrassed- it’s more that i feel so shy. i trust that Daddy wouldn’t expose my littleness without letting me know, especially when others did not consent to that exposure. But i feel shy in little space and sometimes like to hide. i dont think it is out of embarrassment… But maybe it is… This is a hard question! If i feel embarrassed it would be because someone could see or notice. Daddy mentions that a lot as a way of toying with me. So the threat of being embarrassed is always there, but Daddy doesn’t usually take it that far.
is it wrong
to want comfort
am i greedy for wishing
night after night
your fingers were lost with mine?
am i silly for pining after you?
i want to memorize the angles of your face
the curve of your lips
the tilt of your eyes
i want to taste your skin
breathe you in…
drink your scent until i am near intoxication.
i am lost… never have i felt this ache.
i am frightened… because you’re so far away.
bring days where you hold me tight
and pull the blankets up to our chins
and tell me your stories
and kiss my lips.
stroke my hair, and whisper me to sleep.
i wrote this back before Daddy and i had ever met in person. Before the D/s and DDlg, before basically everything. He was so magnetic, so funny, such a bright spot. i found this poem in an old journal in a basket in the back of my closet. This is my reality now. He loves me so good, at times better than i deserve. i have Him memorized so well that now i forget to keep remembering. i may have gotten a bit complacent. i will have to memorize Him again tonight. i am so grateful that we have what we have.
Are there certain places that make you feel more little?
Places that make me feel little: my bed, the zoo, the car, the grocery store, the mall, the park, outdoors in general… This is hard!!! i feel little lots of places, and i am not sure it’s the place triggering me as much as Daddy triggering me. i think i mostly feel little on my own at the zoo, the animals make me feel so much wonder. Oh, and the museum. i looooove museums.
Are there places that you feel are sacrosanct only to age play or only to being Big? If so, why?
Church. i just can’t do it. Even though the Bible tells me that only God can judge me, i know that doesn’t stop others from judging. i get really weird about BDSM and church- because i know they’d politely purse their lips and ask us not to come anymore if they knew. When my eldest child was entering preschool, we enrolled her at a Christian academy. We even paid the fees, and initial tuition (the place was not cheap), and 2 days before she was slated to start, they expelled her. Yes- expelled. Their words. Their reasoning was that Daddy and i were not married, and lived together. It didn’t matter that we lived together, in the house that we just bought, in an effort to care for her because she has epilepsy and spent countless weeks in the hospital with her. It didn’t matter that we were getting married in a few short months. And if i hadn’t threatened to get an attorney, they would have kept the several hundred dollars i had already paid them. The fact is, people treat Christianity like a club, when the reality is that we are called to love everyone- our neighbors, our enemies, everyone. But that isn’t how a lot of white bread families treat their faith. So i have taken an unspoken vow to maintain “separation of church and state”, if you will. They don’t mix, sad as that may be. Taking holy communion and being spanked by your husband who you also call Daddy apparently doesn’t fit together. It is what it is.
Are there any changes that can be made to a space to make it feel more like a safe or fun place for you to be little, like making sure the space is soundproof or putting out little decor?
i have plans when we move to make a whole room dedicated to being little. That gives me a good idea for a post… Anyway, we really aren’t able to dedicate space to being little, but our bedroom has some subtle things that help. i have a basket of stuffies beside the bed, and Lala and Teddy are always near my pillow. i also am only allowed to wear certain pajamas, so that helps. Sometimes Daddy will help me build a fort- that helps too.
Are you comfortable age playing in vanilla, non-adult settings, like the zoo?
Yes and no. i never ever ever want anyone, especially a child, in the non kink world to be exposed to our dynamic without their consent. i feel very strongly about that. So while it might make me feel little to go to the zoo, i keep my littleness to a minimum, speak quietly and privately with Daddy, and generally keep to myself. my little self isn’t really loud or exuberant anyway, and i have good self control, so i don’t think i draw much attention. Plus, a lot of people see that we have kids, and think we are just really fun parents (we are!).
Do you like to age play in semi-public settings, like at a BDSM play party?
We have never ventured to a BDSM play party, but if or when we do, i would probably want to be little. But i also have a submissive side. So i would be fine either way. i think it also depends on whether or not the hosts or community organization is comfortable having age play at their parties. i have met a lot of individuals that are into BDSM that do not view DDlg as a valid kink. So i think it would strongly depend on if it was welcomed. i also think i would feel uncomfortable with things like diaper changes in front of others, as it is very personal and i wouldn’t feel comfortable being so exposed. But that would be up to Daddy.
If you do play in public, what’s your plan for dealing with onlookers who may become curious, uncomfortable, or offended?
This is a hard question. i like to think that we would never cause offense as we are very careful what we say and do in public. But if some nosy nellie snuck up and listened, i have a feeling Daddy would say something like, “if you didn’t want to hear it, why are you eavesdropping?” Or something. Because when we do talk in public about little stuff, we usually whisper in each others ears or text each other. But if someone were curious, i think if it was a stranger and they seemed open or friendly, we might have a conversation. But it would be up to Daddy how much to share. i think ultimately we don’t want that kind of attention though, unless the point of it is to make friends. i hate the thought of making someone uncomfortable.
When you go for a walk in the woods, you might not expect to see many woodland creatures. Maybe a bird, or a butterfly, maybe even a squirrel. So when i was wandering the trails, and a little fox approached, i was shocked! i had never met a fox before, except at the zoo, and even there you have 2 inches of glass between you!
This fox was special though. She had big, bright eyes, and a lovely purple tail, and she smiled at me, drawing me in.
So i perched on a bench along the trail, sitting with this adorable creature, and listened while she told me about her life, scampering about wildly and caring for her kits, and about how she only goes belly up for her mate. This fox was so friendly! She wasn’t sneaky or wily or aggressive! She was cute and quirky and made me laugh.
As we chatted on the bench, the day grew late, and we realized we needed to get home. But we promised to meet again, and i looked forward to it. She leapt away, a blur of fluffy purple, and i sat a moment longer in awe of the creature i had met.
So in your wanderings, if you meet a purple fox, sit down and have a chat. Remember she is sweet, and if you really want to draw her out, bring límon Lays.
Happy birthday my friend, foxy!
How frequently do you like to age play?
There is always a degree of little-ness going on in my head. That side of myself never goes away- it is an integral part of who i am. With regards to scenes, i wish we could have little scenes and play time more often, but life gets in the way a lot. We have scenes at least once a week, but it isn’t always little oriented, in fact, mostly it is not.
Do you always like to go all the way, or is it sometimes preferable to experience a lighter, less immersive age play, like only sucking on a pacifier or just wearing age play clothes?
i wish i could go “all the way” more often, as it is very soothing and relaxing. But since i can’t, i do the little things that i can when i can. i probably sound repetitive but i want to make sure it is clear that i am aware of my adult age, do not define myself with any other age, and believe that being young at heart describes me best. i can’t just drop into a role, as the person i describe in my posts is simply who i am.
Are there certain things going on in your life that might make you want to age play more or less often or is your desire pretty constant?
my desire is pretty constant because i have to rein myself in a lot. It isnt always comfortable to behave little, i don’t want my kids thinking i am odd, or putting two and two together. i do not have some sort of trauma that makes me want to be little, if that is what the question really means. i was severely neglected as a child, and am not on good terms with my family. But since i was very young i have wanted some of the things i enjoy as an adult, and i chalk it up to me being me, not me playacting the fantasy of what i wanted growing up. It bothers me when people use BDSM as a means of expressing mental illness or unhealthy relationships. This isn’t a bandaid. Bad things happen, and before you can involve yourself in kink, you need to get your shit together emotionally. That is a fact. If you can’t manage a relationship without BDSM and you can’t deal with life without someone forcing you to be self motivated, it is not going to be sustainable, and you will move on to the next bandaid sooner rather than later. i have gone through years of counseling, found my faith, and worked my butt off to become who i am. i am just lucky enough that Daddy shares my kinks.
Do you enjoy having special rules for when you are in little space?
i am not sure that my rules really change when i am in little space, but maybe that is cos i am little a lot. Maybe my rules become just a little more lax though. Daddy gives me more chances, and more warnings when i am especially little, as opposed to when i am not. i kind of think the biggest rule for when i feel little is there is a time and a place, and if i am acting a certain way at the wrong time, i need correction.
Are these rules meant to control your behavior or help you get into little space?
The rules Daddy created are meant to control my behavior and help space me. But our rules are centered more around D/s than being little, as our dynamic is mainly D/s. The rules we have dictate how i care for myself, how i behave, and what i do regularly.
Would these rules be realistic rules that a chronological child should abide by, like washing your hands before you eat, or fetishistic like having to wet at least 2 diapers per day?
Some of the rules are realistic, and some are fetishistic.
Would these rules be set by your Big alone or would you have input? Are there certain rules that you would not consent to?
Daddy gives me some input in rules, mainly because we have children, so exceptions sometimes need to be made. So far Daddy has not come up with any rules that i would not consent to, but the only rules i would not consent to are common sense safety and decency things relating to our family and community. We have a rule that the children, our educations, and our faith supercede any rule.
Based on your little age, how much control would a Big have over you in regards to leisure time, goals, speech, dress, hygiene, etc.?
Daddy has 100% control over all those things. And for the record, i am 27. i do not identify with an age other than that, even if i enjoy playing with toys and feel young at heart. So my “little age” would not determine my rules or the amount of control Daddy has.
Does your little self have chores? Homework? If so, do you have a good attitude about it?
i am technically a housewife. So yes i have daily tasks and chores to complete. Daddy occasionally assigns work to me as well, like reading, writing, or crafts. i usually get excited about the assignments, and feel pretty ambivalent about chores. If i am honest, i hate chores. But i try my best to get them done. Sometimes Daddy helps me or talks to me and keeps me company when i do chores. It helps.
Do you enjoy using ageplay to motivate you to do work, like having a sticker or earning a reward?
Daddy and i used an app called Habitica at first, which really helped when keeping track of rewards. It assigned a points system for getting them done, and subtracted points if you missed things. Then we assigned a points value to each reward. It even allowed for Daddy to give me extra credit. In the beginning, i really liked it, but i also felt Daddy was being cheap. So we decided to stop using it. Now that i am thinking about it, maybe we should try again.
Would this scenario work only in a fantasy setting or would you like to be motivated to complete mundane chores like paying bills and cleaning the kitchen?
It works in both ways, but primarily to accomplish household tasks.
Does your little self enjoy or tolerate being punished?
That just depends. Logically, if i am being punished, it is because i have done something wrong, and let Daddy down. i never want to disappoint or upset Daddy, and if He chooses to punish me, it’s because i have done that. That does not make me happy, and i do not enjoy knowing that Daddy is unhappy with me. From the physical side, there have been times when i have lashed out in brattiness to get His attention (or spankies). Daddy realized what i was doing, and took action to help me understand why it was wrong, and now i do it much less often. So no, ultimately i do not enjoy being punished. The word “tolerate” implies that i don’t really get anything out of punishments, and that i allow Daddy to punish me for His own gratification. This sounds very unhealthy, because if one party is simply tolerating a punishment, it isn’t really consensual. Also, it would mean that i have authority, which i do not. So no, there is no “tolerance”, but more an understanding that a punishment is not meant to be pleasant, but is good for me, and i will accept it graciously.
Would you prefer punishments to be humiliating, painful, or time consuming?
i would prefer that Daddy do what He thinks is best, but the most effective punishments are humiliating or painful. Time consuming punishments run the risk of taking things too far, or pushing me out of headspace, so i think my preference would be to avoid time consuming punishments. But if Daddy decided i needed that, i would have to trust Him. i think sometimes with physically painful punishments, inside myself i become sort of hard, and i tell myself that i won’t break or show Him how bad it hurts, so i end up sort of fighting it internally. There is an internal battle going on during painful punishments, because i dig in and try to keep control. Daddy is aware of this, which is why He uses a lot of verbal communication during corporal punishments- the effects of knowing His feelings and thoughts on what i have done paired with the physical pain breaks down my hardness and forces me to take a long hard look at my actions. Those punishments make me feel ashamed, but not humiliated. Well, i guess there is a degree of humiliation in getting spanked or whipped… But i find humiliation stressfully arousing. It’s complex and confusing.
Which punishments would you absolutely not submit to?
This is kind of a hard question, as i feel i should submit to Daddy. But if i had to name a few…. First and foremost if it was a punishment administered in anger, it would trigger an anxiety attack, and so as a means of self protection i would not submit. Other punishments like figging, or punishments that could do long term damage or draw blood are off limits as well.
How does being punished make you feel?
Being punished makes me feel deep, deep shame. It makes me feel like i have passed the point of no return, and i struggle to forgive myself. When Daddy punishes me, i feel as though i have totally failed, and also feel like i don’t deserve Daddy’s love. Daddy doesn’t say any of those things, its more internal. In fact, when Daddy punishes me, He says He knows i can do better, and tells me how much He loves me. Daddy is very encouraging and positive.
Should punishment be an experience on its own or only in response to misbehavior on your part?
i am not sure i understand this question. Is it asking if punishments should happen even when you haven’t done something bad? i think the correct name for that is funishment. i would not like being told i acted in error if i hadn’t, as it would be very confusing, and i think it would be hard to enforce rules if the list were partially imaginary. i enjoy funishments, but i always know the difference.
Would you become upset or defiant if you felt that you were being punished unjustly?
i have before. Early in our dynamic, Daddy implemented maintenance spankings. Sometimes He would simply say, “bend over the table”, with no warning or explanation, and i would sort of freak out, feeling indignant because i felt i didn’t deserve it. So Daddy and i talked about it, and agreed that we needed to ritual-ize maintenance better, so that it triggered an appropriate response.
List five punishments that you would enjoy submitting to.
Ummmmm. No. Because i don’t enjoy being punished. Like seriously there is a difference between being a spanko and enjoying pissing off your partner who dedicates a majority of His time providing care and attention to your own needs. How selfish would i be if i said i enjoy getting, and seek being punished?
i am a masochist. i enjoy being spanked, whipped, flogged, and otherwise tortured. But NOT at Daddy’s expense.
Should punishments be appropriate to your little age? What are your criteria for determining the appropriate punishment?
i don’t have a definitive little age. i range from super tiny to fun size to medium i guess. i can’t quantify it with a number. So that makes it hard to determine which punishments are appropriate. i am an adult, so if Daddy sees a punishment as fitting, it is so, and i accept it.
What are your little self’s favorite things to do during playtime?
There are so many things i enjoy doing during playtime. i am just gonna make a list. Playing with stuffies (stuffed animals), arts and crafts, making slime, coloring, drawing, video games, cooking, building forts, watching movies or tv, chatting to friends, tickle fights, pillow fights, playing dollies, legos, puzzles, computer games, dressing up, playing pretend, singing songs, listening to music, cuddling, eating snacks or treats, dance parties, playing with my hair, playing with my kids, playing outside… Thats all i can think of for now!
Do you have any special toys? Would you be upset if someone else touched or used this toy?
i have SO many toys. my favorite one is named Lala. She is an elephant, and she is grey. She is my favorite toy because she is a warmie, so you can put her in the microwave and she gets all warm and toasty. She is good for all my aches and is my bestest cuddliest pillow. She is my friend too. my second favorite toy is Teddy. Teddy is my small white teddy, and he is the first toy Daddy ever got me, that he sent me for Valentine’s Day before we were even dating. Teddy is a grown up and he went to jail but now he is in the witness protection program. He has a son named Teddy Jr. that lives with us too. Teddy keeps all my toys in line, and watches over them when i can’t. He might be tiny, but you shouldn’t mess with him. He is wily. my third favorite toy is hard to choose, but it is probably Sammy. He is a baby leopard and has a little pink nose. He sleeps a lot. Daddy got me Sammy when i had a miscarriage. It was a very hard time, so Daddy did a lot of stuff to cheer me up, and Sammy makes me feel better when i am sad cos i am reminded of how much Daddy loves me and how good He is at taking care of me, even during the worst times. Maybe someday i will make a post introducing all my toys, but for now that’s all i will say about them.
i am possessive of my toys, in fact Daddy and i have an agreement that even if i am in trouble, He isn’t ever gonna take my stuffies. They comfort me and keep me company, and Daddy knows it would be traumatic if He took them away. But i do let Daddy play with them with me, and my kids like to play with them too. i don’t mind!
Are you good at sharing?
Daddy and i have 2 kids, so sharing is a skill i have mastered.
Would you engage in an activity that you didn’t like or found boring in order to accommodate a playmate?
Yes. There is always a way to make things fun. i would hope if it was truly awful and boring, my friends would compromise. But ultimately, yes, i would play the games my friends wanted to play, even if i didn’t really like that game. Because i like my friends and want them to be happy too.
Describe a perfect afternoon with your ideal little best friend.
A perfect afternoon with my ideal little best friend would start with pancakes. With smiley faces. And then we would go to the pool and play. And get sun tans. And maybe have snacks. And then we would come home and play toys and decorate cookies and do each others hair and nails. And we would watch movies. And laugh lots. And color. And i wouldn’t want the day to end. i wanna cry just thinking about it!
Do you have imaginary friends? Are you friends with your stuffed animals and toys?
i do not have imaginary friends, but my stuffies are my friends. i love my toys and they all have a special place in my heart. i try to save them even when they get ratty and old looking, cos they have such great personalities. They are definitely my friends.
i love playtime🐰